I feel so lost.

How do you handle the world? You get up, day after day, and walk out the door wearing a face that you’re not sure is you.

There was a brief time where you were so sure you knew who you were and everything was light where now there’s confusion and fog. I’ve now held tension in places for so long that I forget it’s there, being carried with me wherever I go.

Your brain could handle so much; you were so strong, flexible, and with so much potential. Now, you’re crowded, jumbled up, and everything falls out so easily.

I sit back, watching you live this life you have, from a distance. There’s this giant chasm between us that I can’t quite breech in normal life. When you take a step back, when you retreat from your world, I can reach you again for a short time. For moments, hours, but never days, I cling to you and experience a technicolour world.

You were once so sure of yourself. You knew your likes, your dislikes, what you wanted for the future and what clothes to wear. Now I float, unsure of anything besides my anxious body, never a tangible threat to cause this distance that’s erupted between us to protect me, but a shutdown of self all the same.

If only I could grab onto you and find that trust in me again, maybe then I could feel whole.

Good luck,
You x